'Game of Thrones' Recap: 'Sons of the Harpy' Is Shocking, Stupid, Sad, Sweet

Bloody fanatics! The Sons of the Harpy. The Faith Militant. The Sand Snakes. Melisandre's Boobs. Extremists are taking over "Game of Thrones" Season 5. In Episode 4, "The Sons of the Harpy," the bells tolled for what looked like both Ser Barristan Selmy and Grey Worm. But maybe not. A certain scene was teased in the trailer that we haven't seen yet, concerning Missandei and Grey Worm. (See end of post) Either that's on his deathbed or he makes it.

But Daenerys Targaryen appears to have lost Ser Barristan -- her best friend, protector and adviser -- just as her former adviser, Ser Jorah Mormont, is sailing back to her with another potential ally in Tyrion Lannister. Oh, Ser Barristan. If he is truly gone, it's still another major twist from the book, but maybe Rhaegar is waiting for him with a song. Jaime and Bronn were just talking about how they want to die; as a silver lining, this is probably how Ser B would choose to go -- alongside a friend and ally, after they both fought valiantly against the odds. It's hard to know how Dany will or should react. Hizdahr zo Loraq was just making his pitch about how the fighting pits are tradition, and tradition is the only thing that the former slaves and masters have in common in Meereen. So will that finally be the argument that sways her opinion to open the pits? She seems to underestimate Hizdahr, but he may be the good cop to the faceless bad.
A lot happened in "Sons of the Harpy," and if you were bored by this one, the Sand Snakes should bury you up to your neck and put scorpions on your face because you simply cannot be pleased. Jaime and Bronn got to Dorne, Ellaria and the Sand Snakes planned their attack, Sansa has to pray for Stannis to successfully save her from the Boltons (Stannis was kind of a hero this episode, and we never expect to write that sentence again), Jon got to second base with Melisandre, and Cersei thinks she made a big move against Margaery by reviving the Faith Militant but she really just took away her own power and gave it to people who hate corruption and hypocrisy. If you're Cersei, the last thing you should do is empower people who sniff out sinners like yourself and lock them away. Stupid move. But when Cersei feels threatened, she acts from pride and fear, not logic.

You know what should happen? The Sons of the Harpy should face off against The Faith Militant. Open the fighting pits and make them the first match.
Read on for a full recap of Episode 4:

Opening credits: We head to King's Landing, Winterfell, The Wall, Braavos, Meereen, Dorne. Yes, they finally show us Dorne's intro -- cool snake!

Not that queen, silly
The episode opens after sunset, with a boat coming in. Ser Jorah punches someone, pays him, and takes his boat. Tyrion is trying to get away because he assumes he'll be taken to Cersei. This is what you get for getting bored in that wheelhouse. Poor Varys -- where is he now? Still on the way to Meereen?

Jaime & Bronn go for a sail
The bromance buddies sail past Tarth. Ah. The Sapphire Isle. Jaime must think of Brienne. Bronn wants to know why they're on a pirate ship instead of an official Lannister ship. Jaime says they'll get off at Sunspear and row to shore at night. Bronn has been to Dorne - "The Dornish are crazy. All they want to die is fight and f-uck, f-ck and fight." Jaime: "You should be happy to go back, then." Bronn said they're going to be doing a lot of fighting but they probably won't get to stick around for the rest, not after they kidnap the princess. Even Bronn knows Myrcella is not Jaime's "niece." Why is Jaime doing this? "It has to be me." Bronn also knows Jaime set his brother free. If Jaime ever sees Tyrion again he'll split him in two. Poor Tyrion is not having the best week.
Iron Bank wants money
The Iron Bank is looking for debts paid, but the crown can only afford to send half of what they ask. However, Mace Tyrell says they, House Tyrell, could front the money and the crown could pay them back in time. Nice try, but Cersei does not want to give the Tyrells more power. "You've already given us too much." She wants them to negotiate better terms with The Iron Bank. In person. The Master of Coin, Mace Tyrell, is being sent to Braavos. Ser Meryn will go with him. Pycelle notes that the small council grows smaller and smaller, but it's still not small enough for Cersei.

High Sparrow gets Faith Militant
Cersei tells the High Sparrow she thinks the faith needs a sword again, to re-authorize the Faith Militant. "An army in service to the gods themselves." After offering that, Cersei talks about a great sinner in their very midst, "shielded by gold and privilege." She appears to mean Ser Loras Tyrell, who is gay, but she could be speaking of herself.
The Faith Militant go nuts
They set to work right away, bashing stuff in King's Landing and raiding brothels. They seem to enjoy their violence a week bit too much. Lancel and others get tattoos on their foreheads, and each one should read "batsh-t crazy." Littlefinger's brothel is raided, and Olliver -- the guy who was having sex with Loras Tyrell a couple of weeks ago and Prince Oberyn last season -- observes a "boy f--ker" being slaughtered like a pig. Speaking of Loras, he is arrested by Lancel, for breaking the laws of gods and men. Margaery asks Tommen why her brother is in a cell. Tommen said he didn't do it; she argues that they both know who did. "She's jealous you're not hers anymore." Dim bulb Tommen is confused, since he still thinks Margaery and Cersei get along. Margaery gets Tommen to promise to set Ser Loras free. So Tommen goes to Cersei and demands that Loras be free. Cersei said she's not holding Ser Loras. She suggests Tommen speak to the High Sparrow, and she's sure he'll release the boy. If ever we needed evidence that Tommen is too young, too naive, too sweet, and just too wrong in every way to rule Westeros, we're getting it now.
Tommen's visit
This should be interesting. The Faith Militant block the king on the stairs. "His holiness is praying. He will not be disturbed." Tommen's kingsguard says they'll kill the rabble if he wants. Everyone is watching. What will Tommen do? People are calling "filthy bastard" and "born in sin." "Abomination." They have no respect for him. They know he's all Lannister. He has been usurped by the army Cersei empowered. So Tommen has to go back to Margaery with his tail between his legs. Margaery goes to send for her grandmother, says she needs to be with her family. This is the downside of a weak king. Yeah, he's easy for you to manipulate, but he has no backbone. He's easy for anyone to manipulate. But it's good to hear Lady Olenna will be returning. It's time for her to pull a Tywin Lannister and lay down the law.

The Baratheons chat about Jon Snow
Selyse Baratheon disapproves (of course) of Jon Snow as Lord Commander. "A bastard by some tavern slut." Stannis: "Perhaps. That was not Ned Stark's way." Does Stannis suspect the truth? Selyse says she should've given Stannis a son, instead she gave him weakness and deformity, meaning the adorable perfection that is Shireen. Cue Melisandre saying those scars mean nothing to the lord of light. Melisandre doesn't want to be left behind when they march on Winterfell. Stannis says he needs her. She needs to serve her lord. She's watching Jon too. This is like a soap opera love triangle.
Mel & Jon - his new ginger girlfriend?
Jon is signing letters, written by Sam, to ask for men from the great lords. There's one to Roose Bolton. Jon, at first, refuses to sign, since the Boltons killed his brother Robb. (If you're Jon, do you care about Catelyn Stark's death, after the way she treated him? Discuss.) But Sam makes his argument and Jon signs. Melisandre comes in for some kind of booty call. One of the perks of leadership? She asks him to come with them when they ride south. He knows Winterfell better than anyone. Doesn't he want to chase the rats out of it? Jon said Castle Black is his home now. The King's Watch takes no part in the wars of the Seven Kingdoms. Mel: "There is only one war. Life against death." She says she'll show him what he's fighting for. No visions. No magic. Just life. She bears her breasts and lets him feel her up from, um, lady parts up. Mel says there's power in him. He resists it and that's his mistake. Embrace it. He feels her up then pulls his hand away. He does love gingers! She wants to do the deed with him but he says he can't. He swore a vow. He loved another. "The dead don't need lovers. Only the living." He stops her hand. "I know. But I still love her." Awwww. Mel's parting words: "You know nothing, Jon Snow." He just can't escape that line.
Sweet father/daughter scene
See. Sometimes Stannis isn't so bad. Sweet Shireen comes into his office and he asks if she's lonely. She said she's just bored. She's glad they didn't leave her behind, since she knows her mother didn't want to bring her. Shireen asks if he's ashamed of her. He pauses, then tells the story of how she got greyscale. A Dornish trader brought a wooden doll shortly after her birth and Stannis bought it and put it in Shireen's cradle, pressed it to her cheek. "By the time we burned the doll it was too late." He was told she would die, or it would be slow. He was told to send her away. He told them all to go to hell. He called in every healer and maester around the world. They stopped the disease and saved her life, because she didn't belong across the world with The Stone Men. She's Princess Shireen of House Baratheon and his daughter. She hugs him. He is awkward about it, but that's about as sweet as it gets for him. He's kind of having a moment this week, from this scene with Shireen to basically being Sansa's best chance of not being raped or flayed.
Sansa visits Aunt Lyanna
Sansa is in Winterfell, in the crypt, lighting candles for her ancestors. Littlefinger goes down to visit with her as she stand in front of Lyanna Stark. Father never talked about her but sometimes Sansa would find him down there standing in front of her statue with a candle. Petyr said he saw Lyanna once, with her family, at the great tourney at Harrenhall. Everyone was there. Mad King. King Robert. Lyanna. Rhaegar. The last two riders were Barristan Selmy and Rhaegar. When Rhaegar won, everyone cheered for their prince ... until he rode right past his wife, Elia Martell, and all the smiles died. He lay a crown of winter roses on Lyanna's lap. "How many tens of thousands had to die because Rhaegar chose your aunt?" Sansa: "Yes, he chose her and then he kidnapped her and raped her." Littlefinger just looks at her. Does he know that the story is a little bit different? (R + L = J? Promise me, Ned...) It would be so great to see that tourney, and a lot of the old stories from Lyanna, Robert, Ned and Rhaegar's time. Do a prequel series, HBO!
Littlefinger is leaving ... but Stannis is coming
Still in the crypt, Petyr talks strategy. He's dressed for riding. He's going to King's Landing, since Cersei sent for him. He's going to leave Sansa there alone? It won't be for long. Stannis is coming, Petyr said. Once he takes the place from the Boltons, the Northmen will rally to his cause. A betting man would put his money on Stannis, and Petyr is a betting man. (He must be down some coin after the Battle of the Blackwater.) If Stannis takes Winterfell, he'll remove the Boltons and name Sansa wardeness of the North. If Stannis loses, Littlefinger said Sansa should make Ramsay her own. (BARF) She'd better hope Stannis wins. Sansa expects she'll be a married woman by the time he returns. Better hope Ramsay is better to her than most women he knows. And men. Ask Theon/Reek. Then again, Uncle Petyr is almost as creepy as the Boltons. Idea: Set Littlefinger up with Melisandre. He likes redheads and she's pretty creepy too.

How would you like to die?
Another rowboat scene at night, this one with Bronn and Jaime arriving in Sunspear. Bronn kills a snake by Jaime's head. "Breakfast." Haha. Jaime doesn't care what songs they sing about him when he's dead. Bronn likes the idea of a song about two knights off to rescue a princess. Bronn wants to die in his own keep drinking his own wine watching his sons grovel for his forture. Jaime is disappointed. Bronn: "I've had an exciting life. I want my death to be boring." What about Jaime? He wants to go out in the arms of the woman he loves. Does she want the same thing? Doubt it. Love these two-character bonding scenes - Brienne and Pod, Tyrion and Varys, Bronn and Jaime, Littlefinger and Sansa, etc. They see four Dornish fighters who spot their tracks. Jaime can only take one, if he's slow. They surrender. Bronn gives them fake names, says they are from King's Landing and their ships capsized in the night. They're told to throw their swords in the sand, but Bronn attacks. Poor horse. "That one should be slow enough." Jaime isn't really cut out for this, but his fake hand actually saves him. Bronn wants to take the horses and ride to the Water Gardens, but Jaime insists they (Bronn) bury the men first.
Sand Snakes
Dorne seems gorgeous, everything on the beach. We see Ellaria ride to see the Sand Snakes, Oberyn's daughters. Ellaria passes on the news that there will be no war, not from Prince Doran. It's up to them to avenge Oberyn's death. They have no army, but Cersei Lannister loves her children, and they have one of them. One of the Sand Snakes says there may be a problem. She unveils a very cool looking new way to interrogate someone - bury him up to his neck with scorpions around his head. The ship's captain who smuggled in Jaime told them about Jaime and Bronn. Ellaria knows Jaime is after Myrcella. The Sand Snakes must choose -- Doran's way and peace or Ellaria's way and war. The three girls (Obara, Nym and Tyene) all choose war.

Jorah & Tyrion
Tyrion is gagged on the rowboat, but still making a racket so Ser Jorah takes off his gag. Tyrion doesn't know who he is, but says he's going the wrong way. My sister's in Westeros. He's not taking Tyrion to his sister. He's taking Tyrion to Daenerys Targaryen. Tyrion laughs. "What a waste of a good kidnapping!" That's where he was going too. Since they are "on the same side," Tyrion wants his hands freed. Ser Jorah doesn't go for it. Tyrion, as clever as always, figures out that he's from the north, down on his luck in Essos, and see the bear sigil. "You're Jorah Mormont." Tyrion knows he must be running, and remembers Jorah was spying on Dany. He passed notes to Varys' little birds. She found out and exiled him and now he's hoping to win back her favor with a gift. It's a "desperate" scheme. Jorah punches him out. That mouth of yours keeps getting you into trouble, Tyrion.
Rhaegar talk
Dany looks out at the city from the top of the pyramid. Ser Barristan chuckles and remembers all the times her brother, Prince Rhaegar, made him go down into the city. Rhaegar liked to sing to the people. He would pick a spot and sing and collect money. He was good. Rhaegar never liked killing, he loved singing. He'd give the money away, most of the time. Lots of Rhaegar and Lyanna talk tonight, plus Melisandre sensing power to Jon. Hint, hint? It's nice to see Dany laugh, though. Daario shows up and says Hizdahr is there waiting in the audience chamber. There are 50 or 100 others there too. Dany tells Ser Barristan to go and sing a song for her. Ser B gets himself one last showcase scene...

Sons of the Harpy butchery
Hizdahr makes another pitch for the men to be able to die in glory. Today is the traditional day that starts the fighting. Hizdahr argues that, without tradition, the former slaves and masters have nothing in common. As we see him make his latest pitch to Dany, we also follow Sons of the Harpy in the tunnels and alleys of Meereen. They put their masks on and slit more throats. Meanwhile, the Unsullied are marching in the street. They are lured over by the prostitute who is in legion with the Harpy, and led into a trap. The Unsullied are surrounded by Harpies in masks. Grey Worm is among the fighters and he's knocked down. Ser Barristan hears bells chiming, and rushes to join all the fighters. He's slashed too. What an ending, with the bells.

Are they dead?!
Do both Barristan and Grey Worm die there in that pool of blood? We haven't seen the clip below yet, from "The Wheel" trailer. Is that Missandei kissing a dead Grey Worm or a live and healing one? It seems hard to believe both Ser B and GW would be allowed to live. This is "Game of Thrones," after all.

Next week
In the promo for Episode 5, they show Dany visiting her dragons and presumably reacting to what happened. Was that Barristan's dead body in front of Dany? We also see Sansa in danger, and Jon talking about winter coming. Tyrion also sees a dragon fly and seems in awe, as he should be. In the book, Tyrion knew all about dragons, and he seems likely to keep that knowledge on screen. Meanwhile, they're changing everything else!



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