'The Dark Tower' Reviews Are In, and They're Disappointing

Well, shoot. On the upside, at least critics seem to like "The Dark Tower" more than "The Emoji Movie." However, they don't seem to like the Stephen King adaptation much more, and the critics who do like it don't love it.

Critics and fans disagree all the time, so this may mean nothing to your own experience, but as of this moment, "The Dark Tower" has a 16 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and a 33 "Generally unfavorable" Metascore on Metacritic.

Here are some blurb snapshots from both the positive and negative reviews out there:

• It's a highly competent and watchable paranoid metaphysical video game that doesn't overstay its welcome, includes some luridly entertaining visual effects, and — it has to be said — summons an emotional impact of close to zero. Which in a film like this one isn't necessarily a disadvantage. -- Variety

• Though satisfying enough to please many casual moviegoers drawn in by King's name and stars Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey, it will likely disappoint many serious fans and leave other newbies underwhelmed. -- The Hollywood Reporter

• Even when the movie around him is total garbage nonsense, it is fun to watch Idris Elba; the way he walks, the way he stares at people with eyes blazing with intensity. He is an ideal action hero. He looks like the coolest man who ever lived in his fantasy Western garb, and he moves with a rare combination of grace and force, like the greatest possible combination of Gene Kelly and Chow Yun-Fat. He makes an amazing Gunslinger. Sadly, he's trapped in a not-very-good Gunslinger movie. -- ScreenCrush

• What could have been the next Game of Thrones or The Lord of the Rings is instead more akin to a 1990s Steven Seagal movie (and not one of the good ones). -- USA Today

• Despite two fine actors in key roles, and the efforts of a four-man screenwriting team to strip King's story down to its basics, "The Dark Tower" still makes virtually no sense, even by the rules of its own world(s). -- Newsday

• The second half is better than the first half, but this isn't remotely the sprawling epic that fans arguably deserved. -- Forbes

• This isn't "The Dark Tower." This is a small, sad pile of rubble - the foundation to a franchise you can only hope is never built. -- Arizona Republic

• The Dark Tower is so astoundingly awful that when you leave the theater you'll likely be less mad you wasted your time than flabbergasted that something like this could a) happen and b) be released as something that, theoretically, is going to launch a multi-platform franchise. -- Uproxx

Ouch. The last two about the franchise must read like a nightmare scenario for Sony. The Hollywood Reporter just revealed that former "The Walking Dead" showrunner Glen Mazzara will be the showrunner of "The Dark Tower" TV series, which is in the early stages and doesn't have a network home yet. If this movie doesn't do well ... we'll have to see what that might mean for the future of the franchise.

"The Dark Tower" opens in theaters this Friday, August 4.

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