It also got us thinking to what a season of "The X-Files" would look like in 2015 (or beyond) and the 10 things that we really, really want should the series return. To say we were obsessed is an understatement; we used to buy the episode guides (printed as actual books back then) when the series would end and spent stupid money on VHS tapes that would include a small handful of episodes. Even today we dabble in the spin-off comic book series and make it a point to listen to Kumail Nanjiani's brilliant "X-Files Files" podcast each and every week.
So read on for the 10 essentials that would make this new season of "The X-Files" totally indispensable.
1. A Mixture of Episodes
What made "The X-Files" such a thrill, especially in those initial seasons, was the mixture of the types of episodes. There were the "mythology" episodes, which focused on the overarching goals of a group of colonizing alien forces and the humans on earth conspiring with them to overthrow the globe. These were more benign and scarier in the early episodes. As the show went on, the mythology episodes became increasingly knotty and unwieldy (until it was positively impossible to untangle) but still form the fundamental backbone of the series, particularly as it relates to Mulder's quest to find his sister Samantha, who he believes was abducted by aliens when they were both children. On the other hand, there were the so-called "monster of the week" episodes, which would focus on some kind of ghoul, goblin, mutant, or otherworldly terror. These had a broader breadth of possibility when it came to both content and theme, focusing on everything from a stretchy monster guy who ate human livers and hibernated for thirty years at a time to a mystery centered around the house from "The Brady Bunch" to a weird desert town that worshipped a massive slug as their deity (seriously -- if you've never seen that one, look it up, it's gross). If "The X-Files" is going to succeed today, it's going to have to maintain a mixture of the serialized storyline and the stand-alone gems, especially if this is a shorter season (as it almost certainly will be).
2. 'Funny Ones'
Another hallmark of "The X-Files," and one that isn't talked about nearly enough, are the "funny ones," episodes like the aforementioned "Brady Bunch" episode (penned by future "Breaking Bad" impresario Vince Gilligan) or the quartet of incredible episodes written by reclusive genius Darin Morgan (including the Emmy-winning "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose" and the freak-show-centered "Humbug"). These are terribly important to the ebb and flow of the series, and if the show is only back for a handful of episodes, we're begging, pleading, and practically crying for them to do a "funny one," especially if it mocks how long it's been between the end of the series (May 19th, 2002) or even the last movie (July 24th, 2008). Now that would be hilarious.
3. Some Selective Retconning
As we've already said, by the time the TV series wrapped up (if that's really the word), both main characters had been abducted and for a time the show decided to instead focus on some new FBI agents who were not, in fact, Mulder and Scully. (This was a desperate attempt at elongated the series when the principles really didn't feel like doing it any longer; results were mixed to say the least.) When everybody got together for the similarly ill-advised second movie, they ignored a bunch of what came before it, particularly in the final years of the series, ignoring completely a subplot where Mulder and Scully had a child (or something) and pretending like all of the alien mumbo jumbo just didn't exist. It was the right attitude but the wrong execution. For the new series, they should also ignore a lot of what came before it, otherwise you run the risk of getting bogged down in the quagmire of the mythology and other things that people, today, probably don't care about. We would also suggest cherry-picking from the recent "Season 10" comic book arc, including (but not limited to) the resurrection of the hipster conspiracy theorists The Lone Gunmen, who had their own spin-off for a spell before coming back to the series and getting killed off. In the comic book, the nerds faked their own death and their new headquarters is located below their graves. Come on now, that's fun.
4. Get the Band Back Together
This seems like a bit of an impossibility, especially given how frayed some of the interpersonal relationships of these people have become in the years since the show was last on the air, but it would be tremendous if there was a way to reunite some of the core creative talent from the show -- not only series creator Chris Carter, but also principles like director Rob Bowman, writer Frank Spotnitz, writers Glen Morgan and James Wong (who were responsible for some of the very best and weirdest episodes, like the temporarily banned inbred cannibal story "Home"), writer Darin Morgan, and writer Glen Howard. Most of these people are busy doing other things, but they also seem incredibly loyal and attached to their time on "The X-Files" and it's hard to imagine if, given the chance, they wouldn't come back for an episode or two.
5. Autopsies
Now every crime show does tons of autopsies, but "The X-Files" was really the first to showcase the graphic procedure on mainstream television. Hopefully these autopsies will make the cut this time around (get it?) And while we're at it, we wouldn't mind seeing a lot of references to the original series. That means that Mulder has to love porn and sunflower seeds (not necessarily at the same time), Scully has to mention her dearly beloved (and sadly lost) dog Queequeg, and Assistant Director Skinner, if he hasn't been promoted yet, has to sternly reprimand them. Yay inside jokes!
6. A Return to Focus on Mulder and Scully's Relationship
The will-they/won't-they sexual chemistry that defined the early days of the Mulder/Scully relationship was electric. We remember a Rolling Stone magazine cover that featured the two of them in bed that almost caused mass hysteria. But as the show progressed, their relationship was solidified and the spark went out. By the time the second movie rolled around, they were this boring old couple living in the woods and cuddling (or something). It didn't exactly have the same thrill. If you're going to re-open "The X-Files," maybe there should be a rift in their relationship. Maybe they're on the outs. And so they are working at getting back together, so the flirtatious stuff that made those early seasons so great could return in an organic way that doesn't feel forced or overwrought. But please, anything but them in a cabin together. We don't want to think about Mulder and Scully squabbling over who took the trash out last and whether or not they have enough milk for the rest of the week.
7. Pantsuits
"The X-Files" was filmed in the halcyon days of the pantsuit, back in the mid-'90s. If somebody doesn't wear a pantsuit in this new series, we will be extremely disappointed.
8. Clearly Canadian Locations
Some of the fun of "The X-Files," especially before the production moved to Los Angeles following the release of the first movie, was noticing how clearly Canadian everything was. They filmed in Vancouver, British Columbia, and everything from the low-lying fog to the mossy forests to the accents of the extras just screamed Canada. That kind of chilly dampness was a vital part of the "X-Files" aesthetic and it would be great if this new production could return to those locations (and those accents).
9. A Stand-Alone Season
This season must have a beginning, a middle, and an end, and all must feel satisfactory and emotionally sound. Even the series finale felt half-baked and open-ended, with fans and critics alike crying out for more (especially more closure). So if "The X-Files" comes back for an additional season, it can be overtly ambitious and unsatisfactorily concluded. Hopefully, this season will lead to more seasons, but if it doesn't, then this new season should be able to stand on its own. You can be full from a bowl of ice cream and still want more ice cream. That's what we're hoping this new season is like.
10. Goo
Because, really, what is "The X-Files" without goo?
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