"Kill me," pleaded Golden Globes emcee Ricky Gervais deep into Sunday night's three-hours-plus awards show. Indeed, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's 73rd annual ceremony seemed like it would go on forever. Still, there were moments that were either hilarious, appalling, or poignant enough to enliven the festivities. Here are the best and worst of those moments, which are certain to linger in the memory for eons or until the Oscar nominations are announced, whichever comes first.
Best: Gervais Biting the Hand that Feeds Him
It was the British comic's fourth time hosting the Globes, so the HFPA had to know that Gervais would be insulting them, as well as the rest of Hollywood, even while he drank their beer and cashed their check. He reminded the night's winners that the Globe is essentially worthless as an indicator of actual merit, that the trophy is just "a bit of metal that some nice, old, confused journalists want to give you to meet you and take a selfie with you." He razzed the group's reputation for supposedly being easily swayed by gifts, and the NBC camera punctuated his bribery joke by cutting to indie mogul and master awards campaigner Harvey Weinstein. He even knocked NBC, saying the network could afford to be an impartial platform for the awards show because it had failed to earn any Globe nominations. He also offered sharp barbs about Sean Penn, Adam Sandler, Jennifer Lawrence, Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill, and for old time's sake, Roman Polanski. And that was just in the opening monologue.
Worst: Gervais Getting Graphic
We did not need to hear Gervais joke in great detail about Jeffrey Tambor's testicles or about exactly how Gervais uses one of his three Golden Globes trophies as a sex toy.
Best: The Bear
In the evening's first of several delightfully absurd bits of presenter banter, Hill was hilarious wearing a lame costume and pretending to be the bear from "The Revenant." (It was basically just a hat that looked like a bear's head and a green lapel ribbon for "honey awareness.") Kudos to Hill's "Jump Street" partner and co-presenter Tatum for keeping a straight face. In retrospect, the appearance of the bear should have been the first indication that "Revenant" was going to sweep the top prizes.
Worst: The Censor
Whoever manned the bleep-out button for NBC had an itchy trigger finger. Maybe it was necessary. There was an awful lot of cursing; presenter Jaimie Alexander even uttered a bleep-worthy grumble about the quality of the TelePrompTer copy she had to read. Still, it seemed like many of the night's funniest lines were silenced. Most notably, the censor snipped Gervais' entire question to Mel Gibson, which turned out to be a burning query that's been on everyone's mind since Gibson's notorious DUI arrest a decade ago, Yes, the remark was NSFW, but it was really funny.
Best: Women With Glasses
Forget pastels, capes, and empire-waisted gowns that looked like bridesmaids' dresses. The best fashion trend of the night for women was chunky horn rims. Maura Tierney dared to wear them onstage to accept her TV Best Supporting Actress prize. Presenter Patricia Arquette wore a similar pair later. Both actresses looked spectacular.
Worst: Men With Glasses
Those 2016 New Year's Eve sunglasses that presenters Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell wore, as if they hadn't taken them off in 10 days, made for a one-joke bit that ran out of funny fast and went on way too long. Glasses would have helped Cecil B. DeMille Award winner Denzel Washington, though, but the 61-year-old forgot them and had to wing his acceptance speech.
Best: Fresh TV Blood
It was nice to see Jon Hamm win one last Globe for "Mad Men," but otherwise, the HFPA was true to its reputation for being the first to recognize new TV stars and shows. So it was unsurprising but satisfying to see "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" star Rachel Bloom win the CW ingenue slot that went to "Jane the Virgin"'s Gina Rodriguez last year, or to see "Mozart in the Jungle" win the Amazon-show-you're-not-watching prizes (Best Comedy Series and Actor) that went to "Transparent" last year. Not to mention the two drama prizes (series and supporting actor) for USA's "Mr. Robot" and it's co-star Christian Slater. If the Globes get more people to watch these new, under-heralded shows, then the HFPA has done its job.
Worst: Quentin Tarantino's Speech
It's too bad that legendary Italian movie score composer Ennio Morricone wasn't on hand to pick up his prize for scoring "The Hateful Eight," since his absence meant the film's director had to accept it on his behalf. He effusively praised Morricone as a composer on a par with the likes of Mozart, Beethoven, and Schubert, not just other mere movie composers, which would be too "ghetto." Cringe.
Best: Jamie Foxx
As a presenter, Foxx was on fire. He had a great gag where he imitated recent Miss Universe host Steve Harvey's gaffe and pretended to read the wrong name for Best Score. (He cited hip-hop biopic "Straight Outta Compton," which wasn't even nominated.) He gave a lovely introduction for his daughter Corinne, who was on stage handing out trophies all night as this year's Miss Golden Globe. And after his old "Django Unchained" director Tarantino made his unfortunate remark, Foxx repeated the word with a raised eyebrow, as if to say, "Really? You went there?" It was an impeccable, wry response.
Best: Latino Power
It was a good night for Latino nominees, including prize-winners Oscar Isaac, Gael García Bernal, and Alejandro González Iñárritu. There was also a funny bit involving presenters America Ferrera and Eva Longoria, who both noted how often they're mistaken for other actresses. "I am not Gina Rodriguez," said Ferrera, who was mistaken for the "Jane the Virgin" star by none other than the HFPA in photo captions the Globe group posted to Twitter last month. And to think, noted Gervais, these talented performers are the folks whom "your next president, Donald Trump," would rush to deport.
Best: Sylvester Stallone's Win
Sly's "Creed" victory for Best Supporting Actor is the sort of sentimental moment these awards shows are made for. The 69-year-old, who brought his whole family to the ceremony, got a standing ovation when his name was announced. He'd been nominated for writing and starring in "Rocky" 39 years ago but had never won a Globe, so he was clearly moved to win now, finally, for resurrecting Rocky Balboa in "Creed." Alas, he seemed to thank everyone except director Ryan Coogler and co-star Michael B. Jordan, but he did thank the fictional boxer he created "for being the best friend I ever had."
Best: Mel Gibson
Give Gibson props just for showing up (he was there to introduce a clip from "Mad Max: Fury Road"), not just because his public image has taken a tumble in recent years, but because Gervais had skewered him in a joke at the Globes a few years ago, and he was even more merciless this time. Of Gibson's troubles, Gervais said, "Mel blames -- well, we know who Mel blames." Trying to say something nice about Gibson, he mustered, "I'd rather have a drink with him tonight in his hotel room than Bill Cosby." Gibson retorted, "I love seeing Ricky once every three years because it reminds me to get a colonoscopy." And then Gervais asked Gibson that bleeped-out question. Sure it was all supremely awkward, but it was also a can't-look-away moment, and a wickedly funny one, to boot.
Best: Adorable ingenues
There's always a few at the Golden Globes, starlets who respond to the HFPA's recognition with infectious, gee-whiz enthusiasm. This year, they included "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" star and co-creator Rachel Bloom, whose breathless speech began, "Guys! Guys! Guys!" and then went on to become even more endearingly awkward. Brie Larson, who won Best Actress in a Drama for the movie "Room," was similarly aw-shucks. By comparison, "Joy" winner Jennifer Lawrence, who not so long ago owned this territory, seemed polished and poised.
Worst: Mic Hogs
Several winners grabbed their spotlight moment and refused to let it go. For her "Empire" victory, Taraji P. Henson made the most of her time by saying, "I waited 20 years for this. You gonna wait." 78-year-old "Martian" director Ridley Scott, winning his first Globe after three tries, wasn't going to budge either, reading a four-page list of thank-yous and telling the orchestra, "Screw you." Even Leonardo DiCaprio, picking up his Globe for "The Revenant," rattled on. Can't winners just follow Brie Larson's example and promise to write thank-you notes to everyone they don't mention?
Best: Aziz Ansari's Book
There were a few good prop gags throughout the evening, from Gervais' oft-refilled glass of beer to Henson celebrating her win by handing out cookies (get it?) to everyone she passed on her way to the podium. But the cleverest was the book that "Master of None" star Aziz Ansari pretended to be reading when the camera cut to him as one of the Best TV Comedy Actor nominees. According to the dust jacket, it's title was "Losing to Jeffrey Tambor With Dignity." Well played! Of course, the joke was on Ansari and Tambor alike when the much-favored "Transparent" actor lost to "Mozart in the Jungle" star Bernal.
Best: Denzel Washington's Family
"Revenant" may have cleaned up at the end of the ceremony, but the show's emotional climax came nearly an hour earlier with Washington's lifetime achievement prize. After his "Philadelphia" co-star Tom Hanks, fighting a cold, rasped out an effusive introduction, Washington took the podium and, in a sweet gesture, brought his wife and three of his adult children on stage with him. (The fourth, he said, was working on his film-school thesis but would someday soon be In a position to offer jobs to the actors in the room.) The actor's banter with his wife over whether or not he needed his glasses to read his speech was cute and spontaneous, two words not usually associated with the dignified thespian. It was also a worthwhile acknowledgement that the moment was about more than the movie star's ego, and that sometimes at the Golden Globes, as in life, nice guys do finish first.
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