Seth MacFarlane's latest hard-R comedy, "A Million Ways to Die in the West" will undoubtedly appeal to teen (and dare we say tween?) fans of his raunchy-for-primetime animated shows "Family Guy" and "American Dad," but obviously the western is not intended for kids. In case you're wavering on letting your teen see it, here are 10 highlights of the movie's many shocking moments (spoilers ahead).
1. Scandalous shadows: In the opening scene, MacFarlane's character Albert gets out of a pistol duel by making a series of jokes, including showing off how his rival's shadow looks like it's fellating his shadow. "Why thank you," Albert tells his nemesis. Shadows that give blow jobs -- who knew?
2. Let's talk about sex: Speaking of sex (and there is a lot of that in this movie, even though there are no actual sex scenes), one of the supporting characters, Ruth (Sarah Silverman), is the town of Old Stump, Arizona's most sought-after prostitute, and she is first heard off-camera having a rowdy romp with an eager customer who tells her how much he loves "f--king her" and announces when he's coming for the entire saloon, including her put-upon boyfriend Edward (Giovanni Ribisi) to hear.
3. The mayor: As the title implies, Albert is constantly rattling off various ways that living in the West "sucks ass." In addition to his running list of the various ways you can die, he also points out to his best friend Edward that Old Stump's mayor is literally lying dead on the street. As Edward, Ruth, and Albert look on in horror, the mayor's murdered body is dragged off by dead wolves who dismember his body (pieces of which are found later in the movie).
4. Blood on the ice: If you've seen the trailer, you're probably familiar with the gag when Albert and Edward are trying to cheer themselves up by looking at the town's delivery of ice. Albert is busy explaining how the ice got there when the entire block falls on one of the handlers and crushes him to death, squirting blood and possibly brain matter (personally, I had to look away for a second) on the street. "That went south so fast," Albert laments.
5. Culinary delight: Albert's curmudgeonly father commands him to eat dinner: "pig ass in sweet cream" -- a dish that sounds about as appetizing as it looks. It's such a gag-inducing sight that one viewer in my row had to bury her head on her date's shoulder for a few seconds.
6. Something on your face: We're not sure if this bit is MacFarlane's tribute to the Farrelly Brothers' "There's Something About Mary" or not, but in one scene, Ruth is finished with a customer and greets Edward with enthusiasm only to be told she has something on her face. She turns toward the camera and what do you know, but there's a sizable wad of semen on her cheek. The bodily fluids, of course, end up on Edward's handkerchief and eventually on an unwitting Albert's hand. "What's this sticky stuff?" he asks.
7. 'Stache love: Neil Patrick Harris plays Foy, a mustache aficionado and entrepreneur who sells mustache lotions and oils for mustachioed men. The lover of Albert's ex Louise (Amanda Seyfried), Foy asks Louise to do "that thing," which turns out to be sucking on his mustache while he masturbates in bed (at least that part was under the covers, but the stache licking and sucking and was up close and on camera).
8. Poopy head: On the eve of Albert's duel against Foy, Anna sticks a little something in Foy's drink. The morning of the duel, Foy is clearly feeling sick to his stomach and shows up bleary eyed and exhausted with his pistol. He then proceeds to have explosive diarrhea -- twice! -- in public using hats from male bystanders as his toilet. That in and of itself was pretty disgusting, but when he's finally "finished," he stands up, he trips over the hat full of crap and the audience gets a gag-worthy look at the excrement.
9. Flower in the hole: Late in the story, the movie's main villain, Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson) reunites with his estranged wife Anna (Charlize Theron) and basically plans to force himself on her. With his pants down and butt out, Anna strikes him momentarily unconscious. Seeing him face down in the dust with his butt out, she realizes she "can't leave him that way." So... of course, she gets a daisy and sticks it between his butt cheeks.
10. Sheep penis: Albert, a sheep farmer, ends up crouching among in his flock to hide from Clinch. At one point he's lying down and gets a close-up of a sheep's penis that then urinates on his face. Should we say more?
WATCH: Seth MacFarlance & Charlize Theron answer your "A Million Ways" Unscripted questions (VIDEO)
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